Then, Again Read online

  Dedication

  This book is dedicated to the memory of my grandmothers, Rose and Blanche, for giving me decades of love and countless happy food memories. And to the town of Ocean City, NJ for years upon years of happy summers.

  Many thanks to Karen Booth, Diane Badzinski and Trudy Gendron, my invaluable beta readers.

  Special thanks to my delightful editor, Christa Desir, for believing in this book and in me.

  Chapter One

  The aroma of lemon chicken greeted Kay the second the elevator door opened. Please let Todd have gotten takeout tonight. She fumbled through her purse for her keys as she made her way toward their apartment. After twelve hours on a plane she wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch with a glass of wine and some Chinese food and snuggle with Todd. Anything to dull the pain of the past two days.

  As soon as the door clicked unlocked, the scent intensified and she breathed a sigh of relief. Finally something is going right. She dropped her bags in the foyer, letting her keys clatter onto the hall table, feeling the tension begin to ebb.

  “Did you get the wine?” a soft, melodic voice called from the kitchen. Not a familiar voice and definitely not Todd. Before her mind could process what was happening, a woman stepped out of the kitchen. Blonde hair, long legs and Todd’s gray pin-striped dress shirt, nothing else. Kay blinked rapidly. Am I dreaming? Am I still stuck on the plane? Is this some sort of jetlag-induced hallucination? “Oh.” The woman drew the shirt closer around her. “I’m sorry, I thought you were Todd. Are you his sister?”

  Sister? “I’m his girlfriend. I live here. Who are you?”

  The bewildered look on the blonde’s face told Kay that she had no more of an idea of what was going on than Kay did. “Girlfriend? He told me he lived with his sister and that she’s always traveling for photo shoots.”

  “Well that’s half true. I’m a travel photographer.” She felt overheated. The door swung open behind her and Todd walked in, pulling a bottle of wine from a thin brown bag.

  “I got the zinfandel you liked last time,” he said before he noticed Kay.

  “Oh honey.” Kay struggled to keep her voice steady. “You know I prefer merlot. You must have me confused with your sister. In which case you probably shouldn’t have been fucking me the past three years.”

  “Three years?” The blonde’s eyes bugged. “This is crazy, I’m outta here.” She disappeared into the bedroom in a huff.

  “Sandra, wait,” Todd said, then stopped and looked at Kay. “Kay, I’m…”

  She glared at him, wondering if the throbbing pain behind her eyes was visible. “You’re what? You’re sorry? I’m gone for a week and you’re shacking up with some chick who thinks you live with your sister? Seriously?”

  Todd raked his hand through his hair, short brown spikes stuck up in every direction. “It’s not just a week here and there, Kay. You’re always gone. This trip was supposed to be three weeks long.”

  Kay’s whole body started to shake. “So this is my fault? I go on a business trip so you’re free to fuck around?”

  “I should have told you this wasn’t working for me. I don’t like having a girlfriend only when you’ve got time between shoots. That hasn’t been working for me for a while.”

  Her lips felt numb. “How long is a while?”

  Todd looked at the floor before meeting her eyes.

  “Oh God,” she said. “Have you been doing this every time I’m away?”

  “Kay.”

  “You disgust me.” She stormed past him, straight into their bedroom. The blonde was tightening the ankle strap on her heels. “Excuse me if this sounds rude, but get the hell out of my bedroom, I need to pack.”

  She nodded and grabbed her purse off the bed, scooting by both of them. Todd rushed after her. Kay could only hear hushed voices over the pounding in her ears. She yanked her other suitcases out of the closet and began shoving in clothes. The apartment door slammed and Todd shuffled back down the hallway.

  “What are you doing?” he asked. “Come sit down so we can talk about this.”

  Kay unzipped another bag. “There’s nothing to talk about. You’ve made yourself very clear. This isn’t working for you. Well, guess what? Now it’s not working for me either. Besides, I have more important things to deal with.”

  “Like what?” Todd’s tone was so snotty she considered smacking him. She could see it in her head, she could feel the sting in her hand as it made contact with his face, but she stopped herself, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing how angry he’d made her.

  “Has it even occurred to you to ask why I’m home two weeks early? Of course not. That doesn’t directly involve you or your dick, so why would you give it a second thought?”

  “Nice, Kay.” He leaned against the doorframe, arms folded in front of him, his thin lips pursed. “Fine. Why are you home early? Are you such a pro these days that you managed to finish all your work in one week? Did the Pulitzer people call and say you’d won every category, so you decided a little early break was in order?”

  Kay’s stomach turned. “No, asshole, my grandmother died.”

  Saying the words knocked the last bit of bravado out of her. For the past thirty-six hours she’d been so focused on getting a flight back to the States and making her way home that she hadn’t let the magnitude of the situation fully hit her. My grandmother’s gone. She felt unsteady on her feet and grabbed onto the dresser for support.

  “Christ, Kay. I’m sorry.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, but his voice sounded sincere. “Why didn’t you call and tell me?”

  “Greece doesn’t exactly have the most reliable international phone lines. Someone’s always on strike. I’m lucky I even got a flight.” Lucky. The word echoed in her head. Yeah, this is some luck.

  “What can I do?” Todd asked, stepping toward her, his hand extended. He rubbed her arm and for an instant she considered giving in, pretending she’d come home to find him waiting for her, sinking into his arms and letting him hold her, forgetting everything. But she couldn’t do it.

  She jerked away from him. “I think you’ve done enough.” She yanked another drawer open and shoved more clothes into her bag.

  “Kay, stop with the packing already. It’s eight o’clock at night. You’re exhausted. Where the hell are you going to go?”

  She looked at him, thinking clearly for the first time in days. “I’m going home.”

  Chapter Two

  Kay had to pay the car service a hefty surcharge to get them to drive her to the Jersey shore on such short notice, but she didn’t care. Anything to get her out of that apartment was worth it. She’d managed to cram most of her essentials into an array of suitcases and a few small boxes. The rest she’d arrange to get later. All she wanted was to get to her grandmother’s house and go to sleep.

  By the time she arrived it was almost two a.m.. She’d long since lost track of how many days she’d been awake. The driver helped her cart her belongings inside. It wasn’t until she heard his tires backing down the short driveway that she realized she was all alone.

  The house was totally still. Silent. But it smelled the same as always, a faint hint of coffee combined with the scent of the ocean. She opened all the windows in the living room, inhaling deeply as the sea breeze filled the room. The boardwalk was empty, the worn gray boards slightly shimmery from the nighttime mist. She didn’t have the energy to unpack or even make it down the hall to her bedroom. The crocheted afghan on the sofa felt warm and comforting as she tucked it around herself and curled into the couch, drifting into a deep and immediate sleep.

  The sound of seagulls woke her. It took a minute for her to remember where she was. At first the sights and smells made her happy, she’d always loved
waking up at the beach house. Then she remembered why she was there. Gram’s dead. Todd’s a prick.

  She stretched, her spine crackling and popping. Her neck hurt from being propped against the arm of the couch. How long was I asleep? She looked at her watch, realizing she’d yet to reset it to US time. She spun the tiny knob in her hand, turning back time. It was almost noon. Her stomach rumbled. When was the last time I ate?

  The kitchen was neat and tidy, as always. “Never know who might stop by.” That was Gram’s motto, so her house was perpetually ready for company. Kay snapped open the cupboard alongside the fridge. Milano cookies, Oreos and goldfish crackers, the household emergency staples. She pulled out the Oreos and ripped open the package. The first bite was heavenly, reminding her how hungry she was. She popped a second into her mouth then went to put up water for tea. Her third and fourth Oreo disappeared while she waited for the kettle to boil. She busied herself twining the tea bag strings around the handle of the blue pitcher. Once the tea was brewed she filled the pitcher with ice and got herself a tall glass.

  The wall phone in the kitchen made her laugh. She didn’t know anyone else who still had any corded phones. The heavy handset felt oddly familiar from the hours she’d spent on it a decade ago. She’d been a typical phone-addicted teen and the kitchen phone was always the best one for privacy. The cord was just long enough, when fully stretched, to reach into the pantry, and Kay would perch on the step stool in there for hours at a time while she and her summer friends chatted about boys and movie stars and which ice cream stand they were meeting up at that night.

  Nowadays there was no one local to call. None of her childhood friends still had their beach houses. New families with young children had taken over most of their old places. The only people Kay knew in town were Gram’s best friends, Rosalie and Trixie. They were sisters who’d never lived more than a block away from one another. Even though their phone numbers had long been memorized, Gram kept them written on the chalkboard next to the phone. “Just in case.” Kay was relieved they were written there.

  Rosalie picked up on the first ring. “Oh good, you’re here.” Her heavy New York accent was as thick as ever. “Don’t worry, everything is all set. Your grandmother had it all planned out to the last detail. She even ordered the food.”

  Kay shook her head. “What?”

  “It was all in her will. The funeral arrangements, the burial, she even had an arrangement with the caterer, though God only knows how she managed to get people to agree to an unknown date. I swear that woman could have sold ice to an Eskimo, God rest her soul.”

  Kay couldn’t help but chuckle. Rosalie thought it was okay to say anything about anyone at any time as long as you finished the thought with “God bless him” or “God rest his soul”. Maybe she was right. Certainly better than not saying it. “So what’s left for me to do?”

  “Well, there’s the house, of course. You’ll have to box up all her things and decide if you’re going to rent or sell or what. I don’t know how long you’re planning on staying, but I know people who you can hire if you have to get back to your photo whatsis.”

  Kay wound the cord around her hand. “No, I’m gonna be here a while. I don’t have any shoots coming up and I think I need…a break. I’ll pack everything. I plan to stay for the whole summer.” The words startled her. She hadn’t realized she was going to be there for the summer, but as soon as she said it, it made perfect sense. What better place to clear her head than the place she was most comfortable in the world. A pang torqued inside her chest. I wish Gram was here.

  “You let me know if we can do anything for you, okay? Trixie and I are always here for you. We promised Maria a long time ago.” Rosalie’s voice cracked.

  “Thanks, Ro, that means a lot to me, and I know Gram knew she could always count on you two. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

  Rosalie blew her nose. The squeaky sound echoed through the phone line. “Okay, doll. Call if you need us. If not, we’ll see you in two days at the church. I can’t believe she didn’t want a wake. What a stubborn woman, God rest her soul.”

  The shower was beckoning to Kay, but she knew she had one last phone call to make. She just didn’t want to make it. The air in the room felt thicker as she dialed her mother’s number. Two rings. Three rings. Kay closed her eyes and hoped “please don’t let her be there”.

  “Eleanor Boggs.” Her mother’s metallic voice crackled across the line.

  “Hi, it’s Kay.” She leaned back against the kitchen counter, wrapping her arm around herself for support.

  “Kay?” She paused for a moment, sounding annoyed. “Oh, Kimberly. Why do you insist on using that ridiculous name?”

  “I didn’t call to discuss my name, Mother. There’s something I need to tell you.” Kay’s stomach knotted, and she had to fight the urge to hang up.

  “What is it? I’m about to head to a meeting.”

  “Gram died.” Every time she said it out loud it felt a little more real. This time she thought she might throw up.

  “Oh.” Eleanor sounded surprised. Maybe a tiny bit sad? Silence hung heavy over the line. “Well, I suppose when one gets to be eighty-four this is to be expected.” Okay, not sad.

  “Gram was eighty-six.”

  “Well, then. All the more.”

  “The funeral is in two days, I thought you’d like to know.”

  “I appreciate the call.”

  Kay could hear her shuffling papers and clicking a stapler. “Do you think you’ll be able to make it to the service?”

  “Absolutely not. I’m completely swamped, and I’m heading to Switzerland tomorrow. Honestly, Kimberly, I didn’t visit the woman when she was alive, why would I make an effort to visit now that she’s dead?”

  The words left Kay cold. She’d known the answer before she’d asked, but as usual her mother had a way of putting things that brought the maximum impact to the statement. You could come to support me. Kay couldn’t bring herself to say it. “She was your mother. I’m still your daughter.”

  Eleanor breathed a heavy sigh into the phone. “Kimberly, it’s only a funeral, you’ll be fine. Look at this as an opportunity. I’m sure she left you everything. You can sell that dreadful old house and do something extravagant with the money. You’re free now. No more treks down to the God-awful Jersey shore to rattle around that house with an old woman. Use the money to live a little.”

  “I actually like the house.”

  “We can discuss your taste in real estate some other time. I’m late for my meeting. Is there anything else?”

  “No, Mother. Nothing at all.”

  Kay was used to the disappointment she felt after every conversation with her mother, but this time it was particularly pronounced. She can’t take two days out of her schedule to bury her mother? Or see me? The second part stung even more. Kay had no illusions that her mother cared for her, yet she always held out hope that one day she’d have a nurturing or emotional response to something. Anything. Wasted energy. She’s not built that way. That’s how Gram had always explained it and Kay knew she’d been right. That’s how she’d wound up growing up with her grandmother in the first place.

  Eleanor was never cut out to be a mother, and certainly not when Kay had arrived as an unpleasant surprise when Eleanor was at the height of her career. It was a miracle she’d even gone through with the pregnancy. Guess the Catholic guilt thing works even if you’re not really practicing. Kay didn’t remember much from her early childhood, most memories involved nannies taking her to preschool or the park. Her real memories began when she was five, when she’d come to live with Gram.

  Tears misted her eyes and her chest grew heavy. You don’t have time for a breakdown right now. You have to clear out the fridge and start to unpack. She bit down on her lip hard, forcing herself to take deep breaths.

  After a few hours of cleaning, Kay was famished. According to her screwed up body clock it was way past dinnertime. She took a quick shower and decid
ed to run into town to grab some dinner at the fish market.

  As she approached the familiar green door of the shop, the screen door swung open and out stepped a tall, handsome man with jet-black hair. He was carrying a wooden crate full of oysters and was still mid-conversation with someone inside the store, but Kay recognized him instantly. James Margolis. The name sent a tingle straight through her. He was the son of the fish market’s owner.

  Kay had spent many summers of her youth staring longingly at him when she accompanied her grandmother on shopping trips. He was a good six years older, a striking teenager back when she’d been a mere girl. For Kay, he was like Adonis, beautiful and perfect. She’d spent countless afternoons watching him stack crates, the muscles in his arms rippling, then she’d look on with disappointment as he’d leave after work with his girlfriend, strolling hand-in-hand down the sandy parking lot.

  Endless daydreams placed Kay in the role of his girlfriend, but by the time she was old enough to date, he was gone, away at college and home even less frequently than she was. The few summers she had run into him her feelings had come straight back. Seeing him now brought a rush of memories and the corresponding sensations. She scooted past him while the door was still opened and disappeared into the dim light of the store.

  She heard the screen door slam shut and noticed that her heart was pounding. Feeling foolish, she started surveying the fish in the glass case, trying to distract herself with thoughts of dinner.

  “Little Kimmy Turner?” The sound of his voice saying her name sent goose bumps scurrying across her skin. It was deeper now, more masculine, but still the voice she remembered.

  She turned toward him. He wore a crooked smile, his head cocked to one side, blue eyes twinkling at her, looking mind-blowingly gorgeous. She couldn’t keep from smiling back. “James.” Just saying his name was enough to make the flush creep across her cheeks. “Long time no see.”

  “I knew it was you. How’ve you been?” He looked her up and down, still grinning. “You look fantastic.”